Many years ago, when I was going through a difficult time, I was very angry with what was happening in my life and even though I was working at a church, I told God that He was not good and I would not be speaking to Him anymore. I know you must think that I was blasphemous, but I was just telling God what was on my heart which He already knew. A few days later one of the pastors at the church I worked with, having heard how I spoke to God, brought me to a pizzeria for lunch and told me that although God has big shoulders, I still needed to apologize to Him. I did, but still deep down in my heart it was difficult to see God as good as the bad things that people did and the bad circumstances, I found myself in, I attributed to His character. I am not the only one who has wondered what God was doing when all the bad was happening.
O Lord, how long shall I cry, and You will not hear? Even cry out to You, “Violence!” and You will not save. Why do You show me iniquity, and cause me to see trouble? For plundering and violence are before me; There is strife, and contention arises. Habakkuk 1:2-3
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Psalm 13:1-2
Why do you always forget us? Why do you forsake us so long? Lamentations 5:20
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Psalm 22:1-2
Jesus Himself even quoted part of David’s Psalm 22 when He was dying on the cross. The fact is life is hard, but God is still good and He works all things for good for those who love Him and are called to His purpose. (See Romans 8:28). Jesus rose on the third day and conquered sin giving eternal life to all those who accept His salvation. Jeremiah could still cry out in in the midst of his Lamentations about the steadfast love of the Lord that never ceases, and His mercies that never come to an end; and that they are new every morning; because great is His faithfulness. God’s goodness is shown in His love, mercy and faithfulness. David understood this, and although he bemoaned feeling forgotten and forsaken by God, he knew that those who seek God will praise Him as he trusted in His unfailing love. And Habakkuk could still rejoice in the Lord and have joy in the God of his salvation although the fig tree might not have blossomed, nor fruit may not have been on the vines; and the olive crop failed, and the fields yielded no food, and there was no herd in the stalls.
I had a hard time trusting God because I questioned His goodness when bad happened. I believed that He is able, but I was not sure if He is willing. I knew God was great, but it was difficult for me to see Him as good. I didn’t want to be like Job’s wife who told him to curse God and die when God allowed Satan to create a lot of hurt and hardships in Job’s life. However, Job refused to curse God and was adamant that although He may slay him, he would still trust Him, knowing if he accepted God’s goodness, he also should accept His adversity. Job’s faithfulness resulted in him understanding God and himself better and God restored all he had lost twofold. I want unwavering faith like Job, but unless my faith is tested then it will not grow. Our good God knows this and so He allows trials and tribulations in our lives so that we can triumph in Him.
Unfortunately, I have often forgotten to give thanks to the Lord for His goodness to me. Instead, when trouble comes, I often blame Him unlike Job, who was ready to take good and bad from God. I have been so ungrateful because in all the challenges of my life God has been good. He has sustained me in chaos and although I have stumbled a lot, He has held me so that I have not fallen. I think I must have hurt God a lot because of my ingratitude for all He has done for me. I am no better than the Israelites who were miraculously taken out of Egyptian slavery by God but made a golden calf to be their God as they did not want to wait anymore on the good God who did so much for them. Consequently, He was angry with the Israelites for their faithlessness and disobedience. God must have been angry with me too just as He was with them as I ignored all the good He had done and had not given Him thanks for them like the nine lepers who never went back to thank Him after they were healed, but He continued to show me His mercy and goodness because of His unconditional love. And now, I regret my lack of gratitude to Him.
God is so good, and He will never stop being good, no matter what happens. There is no amount of thanks I can give Him that would be enough for His goodness to me. I am glad I can finally say and mean it from the bottom of my heart like the Psalmist wrote:
Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Psalm 118:1
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