The Pride of Self-Preservation

This morning I woke up complaining to God. Now, I wish I could say I woke up praising God as that would be the more Christian thing to do, but that wasn't how it was. I complained to God about His choices for my life. Here I am working in a ministry where many of the children and parents disrespect me and others look down on me because they believe I should be doing something more "suitable." In the midst of my tirade, I remembered Jesus and how much disrespect He got. So who am I not to get disrespect, if the King of Kings and Lord of Lords came down from His heavenly throne to earth as a man and did not yearn to have a great reputation?

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men. Philippians 2:5-7

This is truly an attitude I need to have, but instead I am trying hard to preserve my dignity. This might seem like a natural thing to do and very few people would think that doing this is wrong. However, it is an act of pride. I never thought that any form of self-preservation could be considered pride and many of you may vehemently argue that it is not. Yet the very definition of pride is "consciousness of one's own dignity." Hey Google told me so. Hence, when I am so caught up trying to have people think I am worthy of honor and respect, I lose focus of God and what He is doing in my life. Jesus Himself was of no reputation, nevertheless I am trying hard to have a good reputation in others' eyes. In so doing, I make myself and other folks idols.

Many of us build up invisible walls of anger, unforgiveness or a "I am going to hurt you before you hurt me" attitude to protect ourselves. Some have painted pretty facades, making everything look beautiful on the outside to give a certain impression, while hiding hurt and brokenness on the inside. Unfortunately, walls of any kind inhibit the work of God, His healing and His blessings. God has been so kind and patient with us. He knocks at the door of our hearts, but because too many of us are trying to protect ourselves from hurt, not even Jesus we will let in to have His way in our hearts. We do not want His light to expose the sin and the pain in the dark crevices of our heart, so although we may praise Him outwardly, we have locked Him out from our inner being not wanting to be exposed. We continue to protect ourselves in our own strength, not trusting God to be our Protector.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my savior, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

How highly we think of ourselves and little we think of the Lord, when we become our own protectors. It is time to shed our pride and let the Lord be our shelter and resting place as He covers us under His wings, instead of always trying to preserve ourselves. We need to commit ourselves wholly to God and trust Him, and He will indeed protect us as we walk in His way, while He heals us from past hurts and goes ahead of us to break down the iron bars which we ourselves may have built. Thereby, enabling us to step into the blessings He has for us.